Healing Weekend

I recently went to Santa Fe, NM for a much needed healing weekend for myself.  I really had no idea what I was in for!

It was beautiful the entire time I was there.  I believe that sometimes when we go through changes, internally, that it can be uncomfortable.  It can also be easy and graceful but uncomfortable seems to be more common.  The third night I was in Santa Fe, I was not doing so well.  My body just seemed to be really sensitive to pretty much everything.  I was breaking out in rashes around my torso and I couldn't sleep.  I never have problems sleeping.  Never.  If I do, I know something is up.  I got some sleep but it wasn't deep REM sleep.  The only confirmation that I got any kind of deep sleep was I remembered a couple of dreams I had.

In my clairvoyant training, I was taught (this is at least what I took in) that feeling was not good.  That you couldn't trust feelings and that they get in the way of being neutral.  Neutrality is great, however, sometimes you need to check in with what you're feeling and be honest with yourself.  Being in our heads a lot makes it easy to rationalize things when we really need not do that.  So after trying to figure out why I couldn't sleep (being neutral) I finally checked in with my feelings.  Where was I feeling it the most?  In my gut.  I placed my hands on my abdomen and asked myself what I was feeling.  Fear.  I continued to check in and go a little farther and found that I was afraid to fall asleep.  I was afraid that if I fell asleep, I wouldn't wake up.  The changes I was going through at the time (and still am to an extent) was really shaking things up for me.  Not just on an energetic level and obvious physical level but at the level of my psyche.  There were parts of me that were, in a way, afraid that they were going to be thrown away.  And this weekend wasn't about getting rid of things - which is what I've been trained to do and is a big part of the healing sessions I do for clients.  It was about accepting these aspects of yourself that you either a) didn't know about or b) exiled because you thought it was bad.

I remember this quote I read from Carl Jung, "I'd rather be whole than good."  There is a lot of freedom in accepting parts of yourself and there is a fullness as well that cannot be filled with anything else.  I also knew intuitively that what I was going through that evening and the early morning of Sunday was leading into what we were going to do on the last day.

Over the weekend we did a lot of Shamanic Journeying.  It was amazing to notice the expansiveness during these journeys.  I meditated frequently, mainly to get clarity and guidance for specific areas of my life, however, in my meditations I didn't access what I did while journeying.  The only meditation that came close to this was when I did an angel meditation (before I knew about journeying), calling upon a specific Archangel and had that angel take the participants on a journey and it was amazing!  I loved it!  After the weekend,  I realized that is what I was trying to do.  Provide others with a space to go on a journey with an angel or ascended master.

As uncomfortable as I was during the whole weekend really, I knew profound shifts and changes were occurring.  And that got me excited because I hadn't felt that kind of uneasiness in a long time.