Soul, are we done yet?

When I started pondering meaning of life questions and soul questions (see my What If? post on the beginnings of that) one of the things that kept coming to me was the idea of seeing everything as an experience.  Not necessarily seeing it as good or bad but just an experience.  An experience to broaden your awareness.  Why broaden your awareness?  To make things easier.  To make things more enjoyable.  To make Life what you want it.

One of the subjects I talk about in the intuitive development classes I teach are Growth Periods.  Basically a growth period is a time of transition.  When you're releasing the old, to bring in the new.  Growth periods can be easy and fun or they can sometimes feel torturous and never-ending!  I think it is the lengthier ones that I started asking, "Soul, are we done yet?  Are we done with this growth period?  Are we done with this belief?  With this cycle?  With this topic of deserving, unworthiness or anger?"  Or any other subject matter you seem to have been tackling for the past 6 months, year, or more.

I've noticed a few times for myself that my life shifts when I make the clear cut decision that I'm done with something.  I kind of yell out to the Universe (not literally but really loud in my head), "Okay!  I get it!  You don't need to keep showing me (this or that)!  Let's move on to next thing!"  Mostly its because you don't want to feel a certain way.  We're creating our reality every moment so when we're fed up with the current reality, we want to change it (usually to something better).  I think when we make that conscious decision and heart-centered decision, magic happens.  It's as if when that shift happens, your awareness broadens and then you're able to see more - more opportunities, more of what's in front of your face (and it's probably been there the whole time you just couldn't see it).  And you couldn't see it before because your mind set wasn't there.  Or your alignment with your soul/spirit/higher self was a bit off.  When that shift occurs you get closer to that inner awareness.  That inner universe.  I don't even know what to call it.  The closest I can come to labeling the image I see in my mind's eye is an inner universe.

Then recently I've been having this thing that when you name or label something, it ceases to be what it really is.  That it loses its original essence.  The only thing we can do is come close to knowing or experiencing what it really is.

What if?

I started pondering meaning of life questions last week.  I don't know why.  They just started pouring out for some reason.  One of the things I guess I have been trying to figure out is: what is the soul, really?

I've read in many books and heard different people say that the soul is wanting to evolve and that's why we're in this crazy experience called Life.  But that got me thinking - why does it want to evolve?  Does it get something when it's done evolving?  Which then I think those questions are very goal oriented which in turn is a human trait.

So what if the soul doesn't need to evolve because if it is part of everything that is (Universe, Consciousness, Source, God, etc) why would it need... improving?  It just is.  What if it's just pure potential?  What if it amplifies all that's contained within the whole bodymind?  If it is purely consciousness or information what does it need more of?  Or what does it need to do?  Nothing, I don't think.  Why would it need to 'do' anything?  For itself anyway.

So what is its role in the whole grand scheme of things?  Is it there to help the human consciousness, awareness and/or evolution?  To help us see everything as connected and not separate at all?  So then we're more at ease and able to be in the flow more?  To know bliss?  And to know it for longer than a single moment?

A lot more questions than answers and frankly I don't think we'll ever hit the nail on the head.  Merely get close to what it really is about.

Neutrality

In the intuitive development classes I teach, I talk a lot about neutrality and being neutral when doing energy healings, massage or just in life in general.  Apart from being unattached to outcomes or not being emotionally triggered, I got to thinking, "What is it really?  What do I mean when I say that?"

What came to me was that neutrality is being in alignment with your Higher Self and in essence, with Spirit.  It can be challenging not only to connect with your Higher Self, but to stay connected to it.  We can be connected one minute and in the next minute something may trigger us and then we're disconnected from it.   Then it's just about getting back to that connection again and again.  The more you return to that connection the easier it becomes in finding it and staying there.

Once connected, for me, I really notice that I'm more of an observer with minor roles here and there.  My clarity is greatly increased and therefore can see why things are happening as they are.  (I usually notice this more when I'm driving!)  Noticing what is driving people (no pun intended) becomes more obvious.  I also notice this a lot when participating in conversations with others.  Noticing these things within yourself too becomes clearer.  The nature of previous relationships or friendships become blatantly obvious where you scratch your head in amazement, "Why didn't I notice that before?"

Where do I need to be to be neutral?  My 6th chakra?  My heart?  My 2nd chakra?  I've read and heard different theories.  I initially learned to be in my 6th and then started practicing being in my heart.  So far both have worked well.  I'm sure this, like everything else, will keep evolving.

Spirit Communications - The River

a flowing river, moving around rocks, smoothly , effortlessly - it doesn't now where it's going it's just following it's own flow and the flow of All that is. 

It takes no mind or care of who's watching or what's being said. It keeps moving. Picking up what it needs along the way. Some things find a different direction, with a different flow. Some get caught in whirlpools, continuing to go round and round until a disruption shifts it back into the flow. 

Sometimes the flow rages and sometimes it trickles. When it rages, the dirt gets picked up from the bottom and floods the water in a sandstorm. It will not last forever. When it trickles, the dirt is more evident but it is still. It lies and waits for the rage. 

The flow is constant. It knows to keep moving. It does not care how fast or how slow it is moving. As long as it moves it is happy.

Am I THAT Messed Up?

I was doing a quick mini-energy healing a couple of days ago and I usually tell the person one or two things that really stood out during the healing.  Doing these mini-healings is more about the healing itself - what the healee experiences - as opposed to what I notice during the healing.  So I point out a couple of things - some foreign energy here and there, an image of this or that - and he looks up at me and says, "Am I THAT messed up?  Please tell me other people are like this as well!"  This has been only the second time someone has made this type of comment after relaying information to them.

Let me just say, everyone has foreign energy (energy that doesn't belong to them) in their space.  Everyone.  Everyone has beliefs - an idea or a picture of how things are, how things should be and how things will be.  Having these types of energy in your space means that you're human.  As humans we collect things and have a tendency to keep them.  And we usually hold on to them for way longer than we need to.  When these items we carry that we no longer need start to ferment (and it doesn't get better with age!), it can interrupt the flow of energy within our entire being.  This may manifest as sluggishness, irritability, headaches, or just plain 'not feeling myself.'

This is why energy healings are helpful and truly transformative.  Getting you back into greater alignment with yourself gives immense clarity, confidence and joy.

So to answer that question - No, you're not THAT messed up because you're not messed up to begin with.  And yes, other people are like that as well because we're human.

Heart Connection

Every week, I write a channeled angel message.  I love doing these because I'm always amazed at what words and messages come through.  Always encouraging, expanding and loving, these messages just feel good.  It's not really the end result that I look forward to, it's the actual energetic process.  Again, it feels good!  The feeling is more serene and fulfilling and I'm just receiving information!  So I thought I would share this week's message.

The human heart contains so much energy and yet it can be a place that some may not want to be in.

Like any other part in the human energetic blueprint, the heart can hold old attachments, emotions and events.

And perhaps that is why most do not want to go there.

If you take your awareness to your heart, you will find compassion.

Compassion for yourself, for your life, for where you are, where you have been and for where you are going.

You may find that it is quiet and comforting.

You may even find peace.

You may hear, see or just know what your heart is telling you.

Because within it is the keeper.  The keeper of you.

It holds the vastness of you.

That vastness is the same as the Universe, God, or Source.

You can go to the depths of the Universe by going within yourself.

Bypass the distractions of the mind by going into your heart.

To Have or Not To Have? That is the question.

My partner and I were having a discussion, of nothing in particular really until he said something to the effect of me changing people's minds.  I responded that I can't change people's minds.  In which he replied, "You change people's hearts."  And I said, "No.  I don't do that either."  Then he said, "I thought you do energy healing?"

Ay, there's the rub.  I think there are misconceptions about energy work, massage therapy and other healing modalities.  If I help a client release limiting beliefs, non-beneficial energies, emotions and past events but if on some level they don't believe they deserve to be healthy or they believe that the past dictates who they are now or anything of the like, those energies that were just let go of will probably come back.  Not all of them but some of them.  If you can't have or own the new changes or the new awareness that is occurring then you might revert back to an old pattern.

Everyone has a choice.  This is kind of similar to my Stay or Run? post.  Do you choose to stay in the old paradigm or move to the new one?  Sometimes it takes those 'aha!' moments to show us what is for our highest good.  Those moments don't even have to be big.  Aha's are really realizations, right?  Shining the light on something that was probably right in front of your face but couldn't see.  Those moments can also take the form of deciding for yourself that you want something different.  And not just wanting it but having the determination that you're going to have it no matter what.

If we go back into an old pattern that doesn't mean we're doing something wrong, or this is how it's always going to be, it may just be the process.  It could be a very deep, core belief that in order for it to be dismantled it needs to be done so a little at a time.  If you were to rip away something that was so ingrained and attached to your identity and you did so in one big, fast movement, can you imagine what would happen?  You would probably go guano crazy. (If you don't know the definition of guano, google it).  So be gentle with yourself the next time you're going through a transition period (aka growth period).

Stay or Run?

It has been said that the best way to work through your crap is to be in a relationship with someone.  Because then how else are you supposed to see yourself?  How else are you supposed to see your buttons, your blocks, your lovely neuroses?  And of course these buttons are not fuzzy kittens.  More like fuzzy kittens clawing up your leg but your leg doesn't have enough traction so the kittens slide down leaving bloody tracks kind of buttons.

All those buttons suck when they're activated.  When your partner inadvertently pushes it.  And suddenly you freak out.  Whether that's analyzing what they said or certain emotions coming up and then being swallowed by those emotions.  And then memories flash back to when you were a kid and your mom or dad is yelling at you or kids in school are making fun of you or anything else that just exponentially adds to what you're feeling.

When confronted with it, everyone deals with it in their own way.  My way is to retreat.  Pull inward, get quiet and hide.  I think it's more of trying to hide and run away from what I'm feeling.  But then you'd think that if you pull more inward, well you're just putting yourself deeper into that big pile of crap.  However, outwardly expressing how you're feeling is a lot scarier than that big pile of crap.  Sure it's smelly but at least you won't get whacked by an invisible monster constructed by your own mind.

So we can look at it in 2 ways: 1) "Why is this happening, again?!  This sucks.  Why did he/she have to say that?"  And continue to bitch and moan, all the while your button remains in the exact same place and still activated.  Even if you rationalize your feelings or bury it enough or use some other coping mechanism to the point where you feel somewhat "normal" again, most likely that button is still there it just went into latent-mode.  Therefore, the button still exists.  2) It is a perfect time for healing.  When all that crap is staring you right in the face is a great opportunity to move it out.  Otherwise you're still going to hold on to it and then it's just going to repeat itself in a different situation.

If you're in a relationship with someone and these things come up, you may want to run away. Either temporarily or perhaps even breaking up with the person entirely because you don't feel safe.  You start to get overwhelmed by everything and you think it'll just be easier to leave.  However, everything is happening within you so you really can't leave yourself, unless you do it in a drug-related way which I do not think is beneficial.  So if it's with you, you will carry it everywhere - to every relationship, job, crazy family function, whatever.  You can make the decision to either deal with it now or later.  It can be very uncomfortable but just know that it's temporary.  By dealing with it later, you're merely delaying your own healing and growth.  Healing and growth to me is breaking those cycles and patterns we detest and don't want to keep happening as well as creating new, healthy beliefs to operate from.

Expiration Date

I am notoriously known in my family to keep perishable food items way beyond their expiration dates.  I'm talking years.

After getting out of a long term relationship, I was standing in front of my refrigerator (probably looking for some love in the form of sugar) and saw that it was full of tupperware containers with food that was so old that the only way I would eat it is if there was some kind of natural disaster and I was pinned by my fridge and that was the only food available.  I wondered why I kept these items for so long.  Why did I keep putting more food in there that I wasn't going to eat later?  And more importantly, why didn't I clean it?

The excuses flooded my head: "I don't have time," "It'll take too much time to empty everything and then clean it," "I'll do it later."  Well, later becomes months later or years.  And when I do remember, I don't want to do it!  Go figure.

But I had the realization that perhaps I keep other things - besides perishable food items - way longer than I really should, i.e. relationships, jobs, friendships and well, mainly relationships.

I'm not saying that every single food item represents every relationship I've ever had because frankly, that's not even possible - for 4 reasons: 1) I'm 32 years old, 2) I've only had a handful of serious relationships; 3) I've only had a handful of quasi-relationships and 4) My life is not like Sex and the City.  So I see my expired food more as an accumulation of expired relationships.

Do I hold onto my relationships just as long as I hold on to my food?  Which would be, remember? Years!

So if I'm holding on to these moldy, smelly and quite frankly don't want to touch (or even look at) the contents within the containers, where am I holding it within myself?  The answer is - everywhere.

My truth is that we are energetic sponges - we collect and absorb everything.  We like to hold on to things as if our life depended on it.  And our lives do depend on it.  Our lives would be easier if we would just let go of the things that we are done with.  That hold no nutritional value for us anymore.

Also think of it this way - if we ate the expired food, we probably wouldn't feel that great.  We would probably get nauseous and possibly feel it pretty quickly within our entire body (in case the smell didn't force us to throw it away immediately before ingesting it).

Even the food we do eat (that's not expired) can sit in our intestines and essentially rot.  (That sounds gross even as I'm writing it).  If that's the case, we're not digesting and processing what we're taking in.  Then all this gunk will accumulate and make it harder for us to assimilate and ultimately, let go of.  And all the while, we won't feel as good as we could because we're filled with substances that are decreasing our energy, our vibration.

I went to see a Naturopath (for the first time) to see if he could help me heal my post-surgical jaw.  There's an area in my lower jaw where the surgeon made a very deep cut in the bone and only about 50% is healed (it's been almost 1 1/2 years since the surgery).  He thought that I possibly wasn't absorbing the nutrients I should be from my diet but that I also may be absorbing things that I shouldn't be.

Great - not only am I nutrient deprived but possibly full of toxins that are circulating through my system. However, I can apply what's going on with my fridge and my body's inability to function optimally to my life in general.  I can surely think of things (events, relationships, friendships, etc) that have occurred in my life that might not have been the best for me at the time.  Yet, I also see those things as important lessons that I needed to learn.  So if any other non-nutritional element tries to enter my life, I hopefully (with wisdom gained from those previous events) will choose wisely and choose what's best for me - for my highest good.  And if not, well, that's just another lesson that I will complete in the workbook called Life.

Cleaning out the items in your fridge, closet, garage, basement, wherever that are past due is also a way to clean out your energetic space.  It represents letting go of the past.  Letting go of the things that we have out grown (or maybe they've out grown us).  It also means that we have the power to change what is no longer for our highest good.  That we can proactively create our lives the way we want them to be.